her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
