FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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