Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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