We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
