i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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