In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
