What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize