ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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