EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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