i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
