U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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