pop tarts are not kleenex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
