I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
