we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
