As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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