Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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