??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
