I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
