nut hugger
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
