I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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