it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my shit smells like andre
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
