I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
