so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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