All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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