Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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