I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
