You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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