your thong is hanging out like whoa
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
