we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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