he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
