please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
