somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
