I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
