The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
