i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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