at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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