Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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