Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
