Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wanna go halves on a baby?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
