I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
