It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
