Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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