Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there's paper in my vomit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
