I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize