My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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