Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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