She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
