i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No more Irish car bombs ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
