Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
