There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
