she woke up with a sticky ear
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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